All the Way Out

Told the last of my colleagues about my transgenderism today - and that I'm intending to change gender.

mostly positive - completely positive in fact...though reactions varied. My male colleague was completely unaware of anything untoward. Had not noticed, even the rather obvious nail varnish of the past few weeks. this despite the fact they I'd waved them under his nose a few times. Nor the "Charlie's Angels" hair. Nor the women's tops I'd been wearing since May.

Two female colleagues said they had already figured out something was going on and the other two were surprised but supportive.

This is an ongoing process which began with my boss and my flatmate back in May and crescendoed when I told my sister in June. now I feel stupid about not doing all this years ago - what a senseless waste of my own life!!!

People tell me I'm happier. I feel happier. I smile more. I talk to people. I feel like Stella even when I'm being Steve, which helps....

.. and this is all since my trip to Wales in May....the life changing trip to Wales.. now how many people can say that?

Out Again

I left work at 8.00 in this little number, and strode down to Vauxhall, via the tube and Victoria Station. 

Changing into Stella at work is a fraught experience. There always seems to be a colleague about working late, plus the cleaners. I have found a space to change in but thanks to the colleague, I'm unable to return my day clothes to my desk and have to take them with me in my rather over-full handbag.

The weather being on the hot side this week, putting on a light summer dress to go out in was an absolute delight. Would have been even better without the jacket but my pale shoulders just aren't up the exposure right now. 

This time I sat on the tube - still with my shades on even though I feel I have eye make up licked, I still feel the need to hide away. Bare legs. Sandals. The tube got backed up into Victoria and it seemed an age while we all sat there avoiding eahc others gaze, me paranoid about showing my bum, I checked my skirt coverage a few times. It felt like all the make up was running off my face in rivulets of sweat. I also knew this was deceptive, and sure enough, when i finally got to check myself in a mirror, i was fine. 

then walking through extremely busy Victoria Station, not really noticed at all. Onto a train southbound. Sat down after smoothing my dress, all so natural... 

I arrived at the RVT slightly stressed, but not overly so. It had all gone fine. I was a bit sweaty but once inside the pub I calmed down - ordered a drink - found a seat. 

Bar Wotever was as entertaining as ever - all musical groups this time, but the Kraken was supremely entertaining. Then home via Waterloo Station

eyebrows and cheekbones

I've finally worked out where on my cheek to put the rouge to create a cheek-bone effect. Of course it helps that since losing weight i actually have cheek-bones to accentuate now and not just a fat Julie Burchill moon face.

I consider these the best pics I've ever taken of me en femme. And look - no clothes involved - how far have I come? Plenty far is the answer....

new dress - new eyebrows

I wasn't sure about this dress at first as it seemed a little frumpy and middle aged. but then I remembered, hey! I am middle aged (maybe not frumpy, lets not go mad!).

anyway, i spent a good part of today wearing it and completely forgot about it fairly quickly. Just starts to feel oh so normal, especially when the flatmate no longer so much as bats an eyelid at whatever you're wearing. Mind you, no feedback at all on my dress is quite confusing. A "that's nice" or occaisonal, "not sure that suits you" wouldn't go amiss. Still having to entirely trust my own judgement here.

Anyway, think I've worked out what the photos and the dresing have been all about. Apart from the fact that I have always been driven to put on women's clothes, there has been a fair old whack of method on my madness. The camera is an objective all seeing eye and although it can be used to deceive, especially with photo-shop, it gave me an unerring view of myself in these clothes.

Sometimes it can be too harsh, and sometimes deceptively flattering, but overall you quickly get a sense of your strengths and weaknesses. I've been using my dressing sessions over the last 4 or 5 years to build on my strengths. cheap clothes from ebay allowed me to try out all sorts of styles without committing any serious money - same with cheap make up.

Recently I've been able to stop photo-shopping images that I post on the internet. a lot of it has come from within me though. I may not look like a woman, but I feel increasingly womanly and have the confidence I need.

new eyebrows

this is the first pic i took of my eyebrows after getting them done - I'm rather pleased with them, I must say.

this image was moderately photo-shopped due to me being drunk when i took it, with bad make up and hair :-/

Although i only applied a mono chrome filter... that's all...

Second Bar Wotever visit

I did actually wear my new skirt out.. with tights because it wasn't that warm out. I'd never actually been out by myself in a skirt before, so it was a bit nervy.

It felt a bit weird wearing it in the office, but I soon got used to it once I was outside. Got a tube to Victoria, then a tube to Vauxhall.

Sat on a bar stool in the RVT, and found my skirt rode right up to indecent proportions, that as well as the top button on my blouse coming undone...but, again, soon worked out out to deal with these problems.

Later, got a train home and hard to walk right through Waterloo Station. Amazing how the abnormal becomes completely natural. i feel I was hardly noticed, striding through busy central London.

Sat on the train with my skirt right up around my waist virtually. Placed my handbag on my lap and sat there Tweeting and texting till I got to Welling. The short walk back through Welling was as uneventful as I would have wanted it to be.

This new skirt arrived today - so I figure its next on the list for wearing to Bar Wotever